New Dreams, New Reality
by SlackerJ
Summary: A twenty-something "dreams" himself into the world of Harry Potter and proceeds to shape the magical world in his image. Or at least attempt to. A self-insert story, unfortunately. Or fortunately depending on your point of view. Rated 'M' because I'm paranoid.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry Potter or any of the associated copyrights, patents, etc.

**Author Note:** This story owes something of a debt to _Oh God Not Again_ by _Sarah1281_. Thank you for the inspiration. But I have gone with the old tradition of self-insertion, but please don't judge me till you give it a read :-)

He had to be dreaming. Why else would he be sitting in a large, English-style train station in nothing but a pair of jeans and a white singlet? Or talking to some old dude about getting on the train and making a difference in another universe?

Any minute now he would be waking up in his bed at home. Not that his life was much to go back to. But it was his. Still, his dreams usually weren't this detailed. Or interesting.

With a small chuckle and a shrug the train was boarded. Considering that this was a dream, what was the worst that could happen? That he had some kind of weird, fantasy adventure? Nothing wrong with that so long as there was a lovely lad involved.

* * *

Joseph woke with something of a start as someone shook him. He appeared to be sitting on a relatively comfy chair in what appeared to be some kind of waiting room. It would have been appreciated for actually being up-scale if he wasn't so confused.

"Wake up, young sir. Nurgahm will see you now."

The strange creature in front of him was met with a look of confusion. It, or he as it appeared, looked familiar. It occurred to Joseph that he had seen something like the four-foot tall, uglyish creature before - in one of his favourite film series of the new millennium. That series starring one Mister Harry James Potter.

"You're a Goblin?" Came the cautiously curious question. From all he'd read in the books, and the large amounts of fan fiction, they weren't creatures to be offended without some kind of trouble resulting there from.

"Very astute, sir," came the sarcastic reply that was so dry that it would undoubtedly be at home in the Sahara.

"And this is Gringotts?"

"Indeed, sir." Whoever this Goblin was, he knew sarcasm well. "But I would advise that you refrain from any more obvious questions, Account Manager Nurgahm doesn't like to be kept waiting."

"Sure thing," figured Joseph with a grin. This had to be some weirdly detailed dream. Especially as his memories of the train station vaguely played through his memory. It was probably to roll with it and see where things went.

Jumping off the chair he made for the door to the office. A sloppy salute was given to the secretary goblin as Joe pushed the door open with his back. As he entered the office, Joseph turned to face the occupant. A Goblin in a well-tailored suit sitting behind a plush looking desk was what his vision beheld.

And what a vision it was. The movies had always presented the Goblins as somewhat awkwardly fitting into the suits that they wore and his memory of how they were described in the books was presently unavailable. But Nurgahm looked practically at him in his. And the look in his eyes wasn't exactly a pleasant.

"Greetings?" Came the cautious opening line. Not the best of starts it looked to be.

"Greetings, young master," was the reply. The Goblin's voice sounded like he had been smoking for years alongside regular doses of helium. It was really quite weird.

Joseph considered arguing the 'young' part of that statement, but he figured it was just part of the dream. So best not to argue and play along. "Mind if I take a seat?"

A curt nod and a gesture to one of the two comfy looking seats in front of the desk was all that he was given in reply. Talk about your cold first impressions. "I take it that you're aware that we have called you here, given your upbringing outside of England."

"… Sure." Joe had a feeling that this was going to become his standardised answer to a lot of comments, statements and questions that were going to be put to him for the duration of his dream. Which wasn't a surprise. But he did hope that he would be able to pass it off as a somewhat more confident reply as the dream went along. Hopefully.

"Indeed. Though it would seem that the records that the Ministry received pertaining to you were incomplete," stated the Accounts Manager as he ruffled through the paperwork on his desk. Joseph took a seat, eyeing the creature up. This was going to be interesting. "It would seem that your birth certificate and a interesting portion of your paperwork were lost in the international transfer. The Gringotts legal team are presently seeking to rectify this matter. But it would assist us greatly if we had your name and country of origin."

Joseph started to give his name before pausing for a moment. If this was a dream, there was no real reason for him to give his real name. He could be whomever he chose and no one would even give a damn. Hell, there was even a ton of exploiting of the system that could be undertaken if he wanted. A small smile came to his face. "Alexander Joseph Luthor from New Zealand," he gave eventually.

Nurgahm noted down the name and country of origin that Joseph gave without hesitation on a piece of parchment. "That should make things much easier. Now, onto the reason for your visitation to this bank. Current Ministry regulations mandate that all students attending Hogwarts from outside the borders of Great Britain must undertake an inheritance within twenty-four hours of entering the country."

Joseph wasn't entirely convinced that this was going to be a pleasant experience.

"And while I am presently unsure what methods they use in New Zealand, British Wizarding Law stipulates that I use blood testing. This shouldn't take more than a moment." With that he reached into a draw of his desk and drew out a large piece of folded-up parchment and a bronze ceremonial knife. The parchment was unfolded in front of me on the desk before the knife was offered to me.

"If you would care to do the honours, we will be able to determine whether you are the inheritor of any houses." Noting Master 'Luthor's' reluctance to accept the knife, the Goblin added. "It really is harmless Mister Luthor. The knife heals you within a few moments."

After a few moments, the knife was accepted rather reluctantly. Using one hand, Joseph made a cut into his right hand, which caused a droplet or ten to fall onto the parchment. After a few moments the cut on his hand healed, and the blood on the parchment began to etch itself into a workable family tree.

Nurgahm accepted the knife and turned the parchment back towards himself so that he could pour over the result. "Interesting, very interesting," he declared after a few moments.

"What's so interesting?" Came the obvious question from 'Alexander' along with a curious look.

"You seem to be the inheritor for a number of small, insubstantial, houses, Master Luthor. Quite the interesting feat for a new immigrant to our shores."

Joseph chuckled. "Just my luck. Out of curiosity, what am I worth?"

"I will have to check," he declared. Sourcing another piece of parchment he began scribbling down a list of names and other bits of information before screaming for his secretary. Apparently the nice fellow outside was called 'Snorktooth'. An interesting naming convention these Goblins was the thought going through Joseph's mind has he covered his ears.

Snorktooth came a running. Offering the parchment he'd been scribbling on to his secretary, the Accounts Manager requested the account details for all the houses listed.

With that sorted and the Goblin rushing off to wherever they kept the accounts, Joseph was offered what could potentially be considered a pleasant smile. "This won't take long."

* * *

As it turned out to be a longer wait than either party expected. Snorktooth took almost an hour to collect the requested details. The frown on his superiors face had developed into a severe frown and was only getting frownier. Joseph was surprised that his dream was allowing time to pass in such a slow fashion.

A batch of parchment with scribbles and the like where placed in front of the Accounts Manager and the look that the secretary was given was severe enough look to make him cower as he backed out of the room.

The accounts were pondered over by Nurgahm for a few moments as he hummed, harred and pondered. Having moved about somewhat during the wait Joseph leaned against the back of the chair as he waited for the results.

"It would seem, Mister Luthor. That you are the inheritor of no less than four thousand Galleons, seven hundred sickles and two hundred and three knuts. You are also in possession of Washington Old Hall, a property in Sunderland. The ancestral of one of America's Presidents I believe."

'Luthor' let out a small wolf whistle. "Nice."

"Nice indeed, Mister Luthor. Or should I be calling you Mister Outram?"

Joseph let out a small gulp. "How'd you know that?"

"Your name is registered as such on the family tree. You are aware that it is impossible for you to hide such facts from us forever?" Joseph shook his head. "In any case, your deception, and the reasons therefore are irrelevant. If you wish to consolidate your holdings and establish the House of Luthor, that can be done for a fee. Given the status of one of your houses, you may even retain the status as an 'Ancient and Noble'."

A smile crossed the face of the youngster. "Awesome. Does that mean I get a seat on the Wizengamot?" The Goblin gave him an 'are you kidding?' look. "The Most Noble and Ancient House of Luthor sounds particularly awesome. Go for it, Mister Nurgahm."

"I'm assuming that I'm going to need a magical guardian and the like?"

"That is presently being handled by the Ministry. Though for a fee we may be to allow you some independence in the matter and allow your application to go through under the name 'Alexander Joseph Luthor'. But be warned you are presently of limited financial means. Such an expense on these counts may not be in your best interest."

Joseph chuckled. The large amount of fan fictions that he'd read over the years had prepared him for this very moment. Even if it was only a dream then why not exploit the hell out of the situation?

"I have a way to expedite my way out of my limited financial means." The Goblin gave Joseph a curious look. "I have been lead to believe that gold is a particularly valuable commodity in the Muggle markets, and I seem to be in the possession of four thousand coins made out of the stuff. Or near enough to. So, Mister Nurgahm I would like to cash in that gold and sell it on the muggle markets."

Silence reigned in the office for a few moments. Joseph stared at Nurgahm who stared right back. "I do believe I'm going to enjoy working with you, Mister Outram. Or should I call you, Mister Luthor?"

Joseph nodded. "Lex will do," he declared with a smile.

"Well," there was a small pause, "Lex, I do believe what you suggest is indeed very possible. It is possible for any wizard to do this, even if they choose not to exercise this. With a ten percent deduction by Gringotts of course. I believe using three thousand five hundred galleons will be sufficient to cover this. It should net you well over nine million galleons if we were to sell the gold on the market today. More than enough to live for three or maybe even four wizarding life times if your descendants live frugally."

"Indeed. Though I do intend to undertake some business interests before I pass along my wealth. Would I be able to use some of the money to establish a corporation?"

"Indeed you would. Though I must remind you that you are only eleven years old and thus are still a minor."

Joseph nodded, a small smile on his face. "Of that I am aware. But I'm sure you would be able to find a more than willing guardian to aid me in my endeavours, given the level of corruption in the government of wizarding Britain."

The Goblin chuckled, which was a stranger sound than his voice had been originally. "I do believe you know the ways of this country well for someone who has only just arrived."

Joseph shrugged. "I do my research. Still, back to the company. Once you've got the gold cashed in, I want you to take a quarter of it and use it to establish a company called 'Lexcorp'. With that done, I want you to purchase the Daily Prophet and all of its associated companies."

The Goblin nodded. "I'm sure that can be done once the fees have cleared and the appropriate people have been paid to ensure compliance with your requests. Will you be requiring any further gold conversions before you get to deep into things?"

"Sure. Put another quarter into gold conversion and leave it at that. Should be enough to do what I want. More than enough really. Organise another meeting after that's all done and we can get down to some real brass tax and make some real money."

There was a real gleam in the Goblin's eye now and Joseph was feeling upbeat. Lex Luthor was about to make his debut into the wizarding world and turn himself a profit. Hell, he might even be able to make himself a huge ol' profit in the process. So no downside there.

"Sounds like you undertake your research, Lex. That can indeed be arranged. Will you be wanting to reside at your estate or will you be wanting to reside here in Diagon Alley?"

"Well, I'll be staying in Diagon Alley for the moment, but I may change my mind later. How long do I have until the beginning of the school year?" He was pleasantly surprised to find that he had two months to do as he wished. It was going to be two particularly interesting months. Especially since he seemed to be without parental supervision and would soon be in possession of a boatload of cash.

The only major downside was that he seemed to be a hell of a lot younger than he used to be. But that was dream logic for you, right? Always confusing and never entirely giving you what you want. Though hopefully he would be relatively rich by the time he was able to do entirely what he liked. By the end of it he might even be able to claim to be the British wizarding world equivalent of Luthor, without the Superman to oppose him. Provided that he kept Harry and company unaware of what he was doing.

"On something of a similar vein, I'm going to need some walk around money so that I can purchase supplies. Do you guys do cheque's or promissory note so I don't have to carry a ton of cash around?"

"For a small fee, we can provide a promissory note that replicates itself with each use. They come with a three-month cash in period at six and one half per cent interest thereon for each month."

"Sounds good to me." Snorktooth was briefly called into the office once again, and sent to retrieve the article in question.

"Unfortunately, Lex we are going to require of you a little more blood," stated the Banker once the Promissory Note was brought in. "To ensure that only you can issue notes that will draw from your account. We wouldn't want your new found wealth to go to waste."

Joseph let out a small sigh. Wherever he had drawn this part of Goblin or magical law/culture from in his subconscious he was already beginning to curse it. But he would grin and bear it for the sake of going on a massive shopping spree. With the knife from earlier back in his hand a drop or two of blood made its way onto the Promissory Note. A small was felt by Joseph, like he was connected somehow to the financial instrument that sat on the desk before.

"Now, if that is all you require of us for the moment, Mister Luthor, I do believe it is time for you to take your leave. I am sure that you have things to buy and people to see. I will send you an owl once the plan you have outline has been undertaken and a meeting has been scheduled. But if you have any financial questions or queries, don't hesitate to owl."

Joseph a smile and a nod. "Long may your gold flow, and may you family profit," he added. It was from some half read, badly written fan fiction but it seemed appropriate. The Goblin chuckled. "May fortune serve you well, Mister _Outram_," came the reply. The tone suggested that I not offer the greeting again if Joseph valued being in one piece.

With the unlimited Promissory Note and an offered quill in hand, Joseph departed for the magical world. This was going to be one interesting dream indeed…

* * *

And finished. This is my first fan fiction so please leave a review so I can improve for the rest of the story.


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